Twenty Seven

As it feels apt, I’m sharing my Twenty Six blog post as a reminder of who I was and how much of me has changed in 365 days.

No words can describe how this transition to being twenty seven has been. Needless to say, as I *always* tell myself, change is indeed necessary in order for growth to take place. I find this statement so apt as I’ve recently been back and forth going to Quezon City Memorial Circle to buy some plants for both my room and office (!). It’s amazing to be able to find growth in little increments; and that’s making me more aware of how my life has been in lieu of little changes.

I’m now on my seventh year of my twenties—from 21 to 25 I was working my a** off and basically sacrificed my life for my job (no regrets, though, past Abbey is still justifying she did that #peakcapricorn). From 26 onwards I learned to look the other way. Last year’s happenings were essential in order for me to be this person who is typing out this entry on the eve of January 13th.

While I’m back home in Manila celebrating another year around the sun, my mind wanders constantly and drifts to faraway places—as my head is wrapped around the fact that I will be away soon. But soon is such a complex timeframe to think about—lately I’ve been focused on January in general, and a few things until March, and that’s only about it for now. It’s good to be back, but I can’t deny that most of the life learnings I picked up were from my travels last year: enduring 8 hours in a train station, meeting new people and finding meaning in sharing values. Realizing I can’t just fall for people because they seem perfect (and I’m so not). Train rides that end up being the wrong one, so you run to the next station and cross your fingers until a new train arrives (which always does, anyway). Learning how to cook because buying takeout is more expensive. Telling myself that I deserve to be happy to and I shouldn’t deprive myself of that. And of course, how can I not forget: coping with short-lived friendships, or unreal ones, or a combination of both, and knowing that maybe, it wasn’t my fault.

There are things that no longer serve me at this point in time—I’ve learned that while it’s important to serve the people around you (my friends, my family, you, my readers), it’s also as important to treat myself well. What do I want out of life? There is nothing in particular (yet), really. At this point my career, I feel has shifted to a new direction, and guess what? I’m here, riding with the waves, seeing where I’ll end up going.

One of the best things that has happened since January started is finally moving into an office (as you can see in the photo). It never occurred to me how vital it was to separate work and personal endeavours until I experienced working at a studio while I was in Berlin. I remember telling my mom to please fix our old house (she needed to repair the house, it’s 29 years old!) and temporarily provide the ground floor (which used to be our living room, dining room, and kitchen) for inventory storage and filming purposes. Seven months later and several trips to furniture shops, hardware stores, and appliance centers, it’s finally done. I can finally say “I’m going to work!” and not feel guilty about it. I also finally have weird idle time like tonight where I questioned how unproductive I was since I stayed home today…in my room.

I don’t have any birthday wishes, except maybe my wish of living abroad and working from anywhere. I also want to manage my finances better, as I feel this is the next step to getting to my ultimate goal (which is still unclear, as of now). Maybe when I’m in my early thirties, I really just want to have a nice flat in a nice city (ahem, Berlin, looking at you), with a balcony full of plants and a place where I can create and make stuff in peace.

But for now, really, I mean it when I say it’s good to be home. For now. 🙂

Here’s to another year of ups, downs, everything in between—and, if I’m not mistaken, (maybe) my Saturn Return. Welp. Hello, twenty seven!

PS I no longer think I’m old. Thank goodness. I’m just…not young anymore. Oof!

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