14 Jan Twenty Five
Every year, I find a different way to start writing this birthday post. I won’t even start with “I’m 25 today!” because obviously, the blog post title gives it away. LOL. I’m freaking twenty five years old, I can’t believe it. Some of you might say “hay ang bata mo pa” but honestly, my old soul is struggling to keep up with my age. Haha. (Did that make sense? Let’s pretend it did.)
Growing up, I never took my birthdays seriously. I thought I would feel different every time I turn a year older, but that was such a weird concept. I’ve had my fair share of “meh” birthdays. My 14th birthday in school was spent alone (again, I was an awkward teenager growing up). The other years I tried to make sense by having dinners out with my family. I had school on most days, too, so I had homework to think of, not candles to blow.
I figured, though, that over the course of seven years, my life has constantly unfolded in many ways I never imagined possible. If you do the math, it redirects to my 18th birthday—my “debut” or “coming of age” year. I’d like to think that was the year I told myself I could do things. They were petty: I could draw. I could perform live in front of an audience. I could set some goals and find a way to make them come true.
Up until now, I never quite gave myself the credit for being who I am. I think I’m pretty okay in general. When I was 21, I clearly remembered the excitement of experiencing many firsts—first party, first sip of beer (lol), first trip alone, etc. I had a good set of friends. I would go out on weekends. I loved school, and eventually learned to adjust to the real world (or so I thought). As every year went on, I soon realised how different facets of my life would eventually unfold and play out. I would take big leaps I didn’t know I could do. I would find (even more) amazing people along the way. I would be able to discover parts of me I never knew about.
To be honest, feel like my 22nd up to 24th year became a pivotal part of who I am now. Was it too fast-paced? I always tell people I’m an old soul (I really am). I’ve gone past things most 24 year olds do. I work like I’m at the peak of my creative career, but I’m just three years in this industry. Somehow, I found myself experiencing an (almost) quarter life crisis last year. Whether that was a training period for me or just a way to ease in the real quarter life crisis, I hope things will be okay.
One of the fun things of being a January baby (and a Capricorn! YAS) is I get to start the year fresh and have a do-over of my life before the next few months come in. Haha, again, I love my general cleaning! I made a goals + resolutions list this year so here’s a few things I picked out from there. Thought I’d share it here 🙂
LIVE & STUDY ABROAD
(+ explore more countries in the process)
I will not jinx it yet but I’m chasing my lifelong dreams in New York City soon. It’s going to be exciting! I hope to share more about that soon when I finish enrolling by mid-year. Apart from that, I bought tickets to Taylor Swift’s Reputation tour (talagang I wrote about it here noh?!) and I’m planning to take some detours to different parts of the US (eyeing you, DC!) and maybe visit other continents? I have a lot of dream destinations apart from New York: Spain, Portugal, Germany (Berlin in particular), New Zealand, etc.
Brb saving up. But more than excited for this personal venture!
CULTIVATE A PROPER WORK-LIFE ROUTINE
This probably comes up every year on my list. But I want to keep it simple: I want to be able to reduce decision fatigue by eating smarter, maintaining a minimal closet, and be able to not worry too much about petty things. No idea how I’ll make this work since I’m pretty bad at transitions (but good at enduring change!), so fingers crossed.
RELEARN MY PROCESS
Work has been repetitive lately. I always look at the bigger picture of how things will play out because that’s mostly what my work’s supposed to be. You put all these tiny pieces together and try to make sense of it in the long run. Lately, I’ve been forgoing to appreciate my own creative process because everything’s become so rushed in this world we live in. My work is always analog but digital always gets in the way (both good + bad, if you know what I mean). I hope to create more this year, especially things for myself. I’ve been doing morning pages every once in awhile and hope to hone my writing skills from there. I DIY-ed my party yesterday (lol) and remembered how much I love lettering. I have to relearn. It’s something I’m looking forward to the most.
BE KINDER TO MYSELF
Not just emotionally kinder, but overall, I guess. I hate myself sometimes. I can’t make proper decisions. I’m not equipped to feel like I deserve everything that has come my way. I still sleep late, I still make the same mistakes. And then I get mad. And then I feel like the world is ending. And then I question my existence. It’s a cycle; and you’d think someone like me won’t experience these things. I do, a lot. And I hope in my 25th year, I’ll learn to be kinder to myself, and respect myself, and love myself the way I love my friends, family, and readers.
Find love ?!?!?! HAHAHAHA
TBH: I’ve had my fair share of drama in this aspect of my life last year (let’s not talk about it). The universe keeps me shookt (shooketh? shookened?) all the time, so this year, I’m just going to lay all the cards on the table. If it happens, it will happen. If it doesn’t, then it won’t (for now). Whether I’ve met the right person or he hasn’t entered my life yet, that’s for me to find out.
(But no, I’m not looking for it. I want it, but maybe I don’t need it right now. But I could be wrong? What a concept :P)
LIVE WITH NO REGRETS
I always tell myself I’m not worthy of experiencing the better things in life. Is it because I’m too modest? Is it because I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy? I don’t know. I hope to change that. There was a point last year when I told myself that hey, it’s a good life. Let loose a little. Be braver. Do more reckless things. Make mistakes. I’ve always been this overthinking perfectionist and sometimes it’s just nice to take a breather and like, I don’t know…lie down all day watching series? Spend a day doing absolutely nothing? And not feel like I’m going to suffer the next day.
I’m at that point in my life where I’m not quite sure where I’m going, but I’m going to go for it anyway. Does that make sense? I know what my goals are this year. All roads lead to NYC. All roads also lead to the future I have yet to see, but excited to experience. So, to add more plot twists to my life, I’m doing things a bit differently this year, for a change. And whether it’ll do me good or bad, it’s for the universe to work on and for me to find out.
Someone told me that the best years of your life are still ahead of you. I’d like to think it’s true. I’ve also been told by friends that quarter life can either be really chill or really painstakingly overwhelming. Well, either way, I’m ready, I guess?
Here’s to turning 25. And reaching more dreams, going to farther places, and maybe finding love in the process? I don’t know. Maybe. *laughs*
Always be creating,
Photos by Aira Dizon